This article describes common patterns drawn from kinship-care research and family-support literature. No identifying details of real families are included.
You probably did not plan for this. You raised your kids. You were going to travel a little, work in the garden, finally read the books on the shelf. Then your daughter or son was hospitalised again, the children needed somewhere safe to sleep, and three years later they are still in your house. You are tired. You are also doing one of the most consequential things a grandparent can do.
Grandparents who step in to raise grandchildren when a parent has schizophrenia are doing kinship care — a recognised, supported role with real legal, financial, and emotional resources behind it.
You are not alone in this
The US Census Bureau estimates that around 2.5 million children live with a grandparent as their primary caregiver. Mental illness in the parent is among the most common reasons. The Children's Bureau (HHS) groups arrangements like yours under "kinship care," and there is a growing infrastructure of services designed to help.
Get the legal status sorted
Without a clear legal status, day-to-day life becomes harder than it needs to be — schools, doctors, and social workers all want to know who can sign. The main options vary by state, but typically include:
- Informal caregiving — the parent retains custody; you are caring with their permission. Easiest legally, but limits your authority.
- Power of attorney for a minor — the parent grants you authority for school, medical, and similar decisions, usually for a defined period.
- Legal guardianship — granted by a court; you make most major decisions; parent retains parental rights.
- Kinship adoption — full legal parenthood transfers to you; usually only after parental rights have been terminated.
A free legal aid clinic, an elder-law attorney, or your state's Kinship Navigator program can help you choose. The federal Kinship Navigator initiative now funds these programs in most states.
Get every benefit you are owed
Many grandparents pay for everything out of their own savings without realising that the children may be eligible for substantial help. Common possibilities:
- TANF child-only grants — many states pay these even when the grandparent has higher income, because eligibility is based on the child.
- SNAP for the children's food costs.
- Medicaid or CHIP for the children's health insurance.
- Subsidised guardianship in some states (rates similar to foster care payments).
- Childcare subsidies through state agencies.
- If a parent is on SSDI, the child may be entitled to dependent benefits.
Hold the parent's place in the children's lives
Children almost always do better long-term when they have a coherent story about their parent — even when the parent is unwell. Where it is safe, supervised contact, phone calls during stable periods, and honest age-appropriate explanations all help. Avoid speaking about the parent harshly in front of the children, even when you have every reason to. They will internalise it.
It also helps to keep the parent involved when possible: medical updates, school photos, birthday calls. Many parents with schizophrenia want to be part of their children's lives and feel deeply ashamed when illness keeps them away. A grandparent who can hold a small bridge open changes that.
Take care of your own body and finances
Grandparents raising grandchildren are at higher risk of depression, sleep deprivation, and worsening chronic illness. The work is unrelenting. Some practical steps:
- Get your own physical exam this year, not next.
- Find a counsellor who works with caregivers — many grandparent groups have one on standby.
- Update your will and consider a successor guardian in case something happens to you.
- Talk to a financial planner if you are dipping into retirement savings; sometimes there are better options.
Find your people
Grandparent caregiver support groups exist in almost every US metropolitan area, often through local Area Agencies on Aging or AARP's caregiving resources. NAMI's Family-to-Family course addresses the parent's illness and is welcoming to grandparents.
The children are watching how you talk about their parent
The single most powerful gift you can give your grandchildren is consistency in how you describe their parent: as a person who has an illness, who loves them, and who is trying. The illness is real and so are its consequences. So is your grandchild's need for a parent they can love without shame. You can hold both.
You are unable to safely care for the children due to your own health, or the parent's behaviour during contact is putting the children at risk. Your local Department of Children and Families and your state's kinship navigator can both help you act fast without losing the children to strangers.
What people say afterwards
Grandparents who have done this work for years often describe it the same way: harder than they expected, deeper than they expected, and one of the most meaningful chapters of their lives. The children grow up. They remember who held them when the world was loud.
This article is for educational purposes only and is not medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult a qualified mental health professional. If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 in the US, or your local emergency number.